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[Riona had hoped to have a bit more time while chewing on cake to think of how to start this. But Alistair sits next to her, eyes so intently on her and hand wrapped around hers, that she knows she needs to start, and start now.]

I know. It just... isn't easy on me either. [She swallows nervously, looking down at the table. Her fingers tighten against his.] ...you must have noticed by now. That I don't quite look how I did when you last saw me.

[Sorry. He's not going to give her any breathing room when it comes to this. She wanted to talk about it and now he wants to know what he's missing that the others already know.]

Well, I'm sure whatever it is, it can't be anywhere near as bad as the talk we had the night before our fight with the Archdemon.

[H-haha. She's not asking him to have sex with Morrigan and possibly conceive another Old God baby. There's not enough lyrium in the world to make him forget that, even if he wanted to go back to taking it.]

Well, you told me that you've been here for two years. Of course that would change you.

Yes, it's been two years... here.

[No, it's not as urgent or god awful as that was, but that didn't make this any easier.]

When I first arrived, I was from around the same point in time as you. But... sometimes people here fall into comas. Eventually they wake up, but sometimes when they do, they remember more from home. It's like time passes for them. They can even have aged visibly while they're in a coma.

That happened to me twice. The first time, only a few months passed. But the second... [She lets out a shuddered breath. ] Ten years passed. Between that and my time here, I'm 32. [She lets out an empty laugh. ] I'm old now. [She tries to come across as joking, but she doesn't quite manage it.]

Edited (Stupid phone) 2017-11-30 03:30 (UTC)

[Hey, lady, remember who you're talking to. He is the king of attempting to deflect deep conversation with self-deprecating humor. He's okay with her trying to use his shtick, but he doesn't know how to handle what it is she's saying.

Twelve years... twelve years have passed between them. That's a lifetime, especially for people like them. The Call... There's only so long that you can avoid that. And she Joined at the beginning of a Blight, he only six months before her.

He looks down at their joined hands, studying the way the light plays on her paler skin as it rests in his.]

Maker's breath. [The words are like a punch to the gut and a jump start to his brain.] I knew that, despite being the more senior Warden out of us, that you were a little older than me. [He squeezes her hand yet again.] Just not this much older.

[It's taking everything she has not to tremble, especially since he's holding her hand and could pick up on it easily. As it is, her other hand clutches tightly against her leg under the desk.]

I'm sorry. I know it's a lot and I... I just want you to know that I'm still me, just older and maybe wiser.

[But is that enough of a reassurance? ]

If you need space, I can leave you alone for however long you need.

What?

[He turns to look at her, his whole body pointed directly to face her. The confusion he feels is written all over his face, but that's nothing new. However, he doesn't let go of her hand, doesn't move away, doesn't make any indication that he wants to leave.]

What are you talking about?

[He takes the hand not holding hers and reaches over to touch her face, his thumb running over her cheekbone affectionately.]

Why would I want to leave you, my love?

To give yourself some space to process it without me hanging about.

[Riona won't lie, she's enormously relieved at his words. A shaky smiles forms as she leans against the hand pressed to her face.]

I don't want you to get too overwhelmed. There's so much to take in the first few weeks anyone is here, and in this regard, I'm just complicating matters. [And in truth, she's terrified she'll do something to scare him. It's not a fear she normally entertains, but with how long they've been separated and how hard it's been on her, it's very much a concern.]

[He's a little afraid to let go of her. He knows that she's not a liar, so it's not that he doesn't believe her. It's a lot to take in, certainly. And there's a lot of opportunity for him to run if he wanted.

However, this is his wife, no matter the circumstances. There might be twelve years between them, but it's still her. She's still the most beautiful woman he's ever known and he can't help but smile when she does.]

Sweet Andraste, Riona. What would being apart do besides make you unhappy? I suppose that confusion has always been a rather large part of my life. Why should that change now?

I'd rather be unhappy than overwhelm you too much. But if you're sure...

[Just then the tea kettle starts to whistle. Riona gives his hand a squeeze before getting up to take it off the stove, pouring it out into the cups for them both.]

Any preference for what you want in it? We have lemon - or something close to it - sugar, honey, and I think there's something akin to cinnamon around here, too.

[She's taking advantage of the interruption to steady herself, focusing on making the tea before delving back into the conversation.]

Well, I believe it is my job to make sure that you're happy.

[As if that's all his job is. But it's all that matters at that point. They're not on Thedas. They're not King and Queen of Ferelden right now. They are just Alistair and Riona and he's not fool enough to let her suffer while he works this all out. Besides, it's easier if they are together in everything they do, in his opinion.

Thank the Maker for small mercies, like being kidnapped, yet again.

Reluctantly, he lets her hand go as she sets about pouring them both something to drink. He watches her carefully for any indication that she's pushing herself too much. He knows her. She does that. It's one of her good qualities as a leader, but it's more of hindrance right now.]

Whatever we have is fine. I'm not that picky, you know that.

As it's mine to make you happy.

[And technically to protect him at any cost, seeing as he's her king. But that's not something she likes to bring up to him. The fact that, if it came down to it, she'd lay down her life to protect him understandably doesn't sit too well, so she avoids the subject if she can. She likes her role of wife better, anyway.]

I'll bring a bit of everything then. [Seeing as she can't quite decide what she wants. After grabbing a pair of tea bags, she gathers up the necessary jars and containers and piles them onto a plate. The teacups go on next, and Riona carefully balances the plate as she brings it to the table, setting it between where they both are seated.]

Ta da.

Which is something that you do effortlessly by just being here.

[He can't help saying something soppy. He loves her so damn much. That's the one thing that makes sense in the face of all of this mess. They love each other, they have one another in a world that is so uncertain and war-torn.

She is his entire world. It's dangerous and unhealthy. If something happened to her, he would be a wreck. He knows that, but she is the only person who fucking cares about him as a person instead of a symbol or tool. But he knows that if he holds too tightly, he'll scare her away as well, and that's the last thing he wants.

When she sits back down next to him, he has to stop himself from taking her hand again. He needs to be strong for the both of them. He can't keep relying on her strength alone. He can be her rock and he wants to be there for her now.]

Riona, I...I'm not the best with words and you know that, but I do know a few other things as well. Since I've known you, my life has been better. Even with the Blight involved. So, you're stuck with me.

This is strange, certainly, but after what we've faced together that I know of just the thought of leaving you is preposterous. Your brother would probably kill me if he ever found out, and I don't want to think about what Leliana or Wynne would do.

Edited 2017-12-04 04:39 (UTC)

Oh, you.

[For a man who claims he's not good with words, sometimes he very much can be. Sure, he shoves his foot into his mouth on occasion, but other times he just nails it on the head and says exactly what needs to be said.]

You're better with them than you think. But it wouldn't have to be a permanent separation. Even if just for a few days to get your thoughts together and figure out how you want to proceed.

[Her heart aches a little at the mention of Wynne, but oh boy she is not telling Alistair about that. Not now, and maybe not ever.]

[He's been known to give a pretty nice speech a time or two. He's also a very eloquent man when it comes to talking to her about serious subjects at very important times. And now is very important.

He doesn't always eat his shoe leather. Just around apostates and church officials.]

How I want to proceed...I don't need a few days to get my thoughts together. I can do that while I spend time with you.

[He can't help it. He reaches out and touches her again, his hand going to her hair and face in one movement.]

I don't want to be without you. So, unless you want me to go, stop trying to push me away.

[Riona just feels... tired. Relieved, since he's insisting on staying, though she can tell he's getting a tad irritated. But also she's just tired. The years have been long, and having it out in the open with him like this, it sinks in just how much she's gone through and how much more there is to go. She leans into his hand.]

I don't. That's the last thing I want. I just want you to know you have options. We'll work through it together. But if you ever do need to take a step back and get some space, just let me know. This place can really strain the mind.

[And he didn't exactly have an easy start. Stupid cannibals.]

[He is getting irritated, because the thought of her wanting him gone hurts. And considering how his life has been before her, he doesn't want to go back to that. Not for a few days, not for a few hours. They don't have to do everything together again. He's fine with reasonable space, but he not going to spend any nights away from her more than he absolutely must.]

I've always had options, Riona. And they've led me to you, so I'm fine with that.

[And considering the way that she reacted when he found her here, he's not exactly keen on leaving her.]

I've told you before, but I love you. You'll have to do something a lot worse than just be twelve years older than me to make me uncomfortable.

[Like stop loving him, which is something he's terrified will happen one day. He doesn't have the best track record with people, after all.]

Okay, okay.

[What was meant as an offer to be able to take some space got translated as pushing him away, so she'll back off on it. It's out there, he knows about it, and there's nothing more she can do. The last thing she wanted was for him to get upset, but it's nearing that point.

She moves and pulls him into a hug, nuzzling the side of his neck. Hugs make everything a bit better, right?]

And I love you. I always will. If nothing else, that hasn't changed over the years. [And it never will.] That... was the most pressing thing I had to tell you. Anything else is more or less optional. If you have questions about things that have happened, I can answer them. But... tread carefully. [He might not like a lot of what there's to say.] Or if you'd rather we have our cake and tea and just make small talk about whatever, we can do that too. [She's leaving this one up to him.]

[The moment that she pulls in for a hug, he closes his eyes and breathes deeply. Good. Good. Good. She's not...

She's still his.]

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't curious about the future, but... I'm more curious about this place. I heard some of it from Rowan and that Fenris but I'd rather hear about it from you.

[He manages a smile.]

Besides, it would be a waste to ignore this cake your friend has so nicely given us.

[She'll always be his. That will never change. Some part of her picks up on his fear, and what she mistook as irritation unveils itself to her. Of course, it's just a feeling, so she says nothing. All she does is hold him a little closer.]

Fenris mentioned he ran into you. He's been here longer than I have, but I should still be able to explain anything you'd like to know?

[She pulls back, giving him a kiss on the cheek before turning her attention to the cake. He can ask questions while she cuts, she figures.]

[He could literally spend hours holding and kissing her, but he does get that spending time with people that are their friends and crewmates and generally not each other is good.]

How did you get used to all of this strangeness? I don't even know what half of the things in here are for.

[Not...that he spent a lot of time in the kitchens of any of the buildings he lived in. Or did much but roasting certain items over an open fire in camp.]

You just learn them as you go. [Once the cake's cut, she divvies out a piece for him first, sliding him the plate before getting one for herself.] Ask if you're really stumped, or just fiddle with it until you figure it out. After awhile, day by day, you just get used to it.

[Sex cake or not, Alistair's not really all that interested in it. As it is, he drops a bite on the floor for the mabari, bribing the dog so he'll stop trying to gnaw on his socks. Kiter please.]

Then, I suppose I'll just have to stumble my way through it. Nothing new there, right? At least now there are no scribes and pages to chronicle my every move and mistake.

[BENEFITS!]

So, tell me what there is to do here on these strange ships when we aren't fighting people that want to eat us or saving villagers?

[Kiter sniffs at the cake, tail wagging happily before taking the piece and chewing on it happily. Riona cocks an eyebrow at him for it, otherwise saying nothing.]

Everyone struggles with it in the beginning. And everyone here will help; we were all in the same boat once upon a time.

[She takes another bite of her cake, chewing as she thinks over his question.]

Well, usually the places we stop at offer some kind of entertainment. It's the drifting weeks that tend to get boring. [Being stuck on the ships can become a bore real quick. Though after the last place, Riona's glad for it for once.] There are things to do on the Iskaulit: a garden, a pool, the bars, and places to walk around. On our ships, it's just finding something to do. Reading, or perhaps watching a movie.

[What? He's gotta get the dog to like him again. And cake is a small sacrifice. Alistair will just have to make sure that Kiter gets to the gardens a bit more and runs some of the extra sugar off. It'll be okay.

Maybe.

He hopes.]

I know this will sound strange, but I'd been okay with the chaos on the last world. Sitting for weeks in meetings and taking petitions isn't at all what I wanted to do. No wonder Cailan...

[He doesn't finish that sentence. He never wanted his half-brother to die. And it had angered him the way that Loghain had left Cailan there in Ostagar.]

Although, honestly, I've not had time to just sit back and read just for the sake of reading in years.

[The dog ALREADY likes you, silly! Though, Kiter certainly won't complain about additional brownie points made to curry his favor.]

Ruling is mostly drudgery and paperwork. Boring, but better for the people. Too much excitement usually means trouble.

[Yeah, let's not dwell further on poor Cailan. He had wanted his excitement, and got more than he bargained for.]

Now you'll have plenty of time to. And if we both get too antsy, we can always spar.

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